the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Bring me that man meat
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
