I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
