OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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