she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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