I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
