i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
