She is in my trunk
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
