there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
not ubering you a puppy
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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