is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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