im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
