you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize