he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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