Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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