I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
