yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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