that's an acceptable place to lick
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
