i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
