i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
