Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
this is an emotional support booty call
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
