Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
