omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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