i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
