no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize