I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
