we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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