I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
