Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
