He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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