Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
