just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize