I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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