Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so that wasnt chicken after all
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
