He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
