Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
