so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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