she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize