I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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