1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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