After last night, I could never be a politician.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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