I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hippo gnu deer
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
