thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
