I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
