Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
