$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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