im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
