I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
