Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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