he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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