You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
