Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
