We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
