I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
