If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
