Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
