you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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