I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
