now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she smelled like a LAN party
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
