Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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