it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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