Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
3 2 1 whiskey
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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