i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Enjoy the penises
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
