So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
