do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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