some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
