would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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